Dankbaar of tevreden?
10 februari 2025
This morning I offered my dance to the higher Masters in the space. I asked them to help me with some cleansing in lower parts of my body. Those parts disrupting and sabotaging the mind big time. The body felt the cleanse for weeks already, but somehow was not able to step out of it...
Standing in line for breakfast, I felt restless. Chi Gong class was amazing, but I felt there was something other needed...
I asked a fellow seeker on the path: How did you clean ego parts that are not carrying the best energy?
"Pray to the Masters" he said, "ask for guidance. Offer it to them, they know how to deal with it. Let them do the work."
Suddenly I knew what to do. I felt determined. I went to the yoga hall. Put earplugs in and chose a playlist I specially made for a sacred space like where I'm now, at the ashram.
As an ecstatic dance lover back home I dance weekly and sometimes twice a week. 2 hours in a row. Not a problem.
Being here for almost 4 weeks, that was something I missed hugely. The thought was: not possible here.
I had a mission
That belief was suddenly not present anymore. Why not here and now? Even as I found another fellow Yogi on the yoga deck, I didn't care: I wanted to do this!
As always Kundalini guided my dance. But, there was something I definitely needed to see. My inner critic. My lovely demon. Always there... and yet, I had forgotten. I had not seen this. How could I?
Fire and Water
Lifted by the fire of the presence, suddenly seeing his role in this pattern. Just seeing. There was no analysis about it. Just my body swirling, jumping, shaking and rolling around. Fluently as water. Accepting and letting go.
I cried. Seeing what held me back for fully being myself. Another part of self… I laughed outloud. What a play, what a journey!
A journey of the elements
Supported by the earth, where I danced on. Breathing the air in my lungs for being able to let the body go ecstatic. And in myself, fire and water, bouncing with each other. For weeks! And I had no clou what to do...
I was so glad I could play out this sacred marriage that was on non-speaking terms. To finally realize, in this dance, it's all One. There is no duality, just two polarities of the same Essence.
She led me. As always. And I surrendered. In the surrendering I saw there is no separation. There is no "negativity" or "positivity". In essence there is just One Energy emerged from One Consciousness. My interpretation and vividly imagination described it as a demon and good ego.
That demon in my head, say Mr Critical, is just another kind of fire and it can be very useful. It's all Divinely orchestrated. It has all its perfect timing. Now it was the time to see it, see through it, over see it and receive an insight. To play with it. To Dance With It.
Grateful I am...
To have surrendered a part of the inner critic. In a guided dance, a sacred tantric dance. Not with another person but with Kundalini itself, the masculine and feminine energies inside myself. Fire and water. Held by the sacred space all elements came more into balance.
In this magic movement my heart opened more towards myself. And not only my heart, but my whole self, the fulness of my being began to awaken. I'm not there yet but I feel the buzz. That dance brought me back to something I had desperately longed for.
Seeing it for what it was. Just energy in movement. Fire.
Grateful for that part as well, as it carried me through so many phases, for years.
“Don't be afraid of your inner critic. It has a function, a role. Listen carefully. If you understand it's role you can benefit from it. Big time.”
Now, let's dance.
Namaskar.
Carpe Nunc staat voor groei in bewustzijn door middel van transformatie coaching, Self Care workshops, en Bodytalk sessies. Abonneer je op mijn nieuwsbrief en blijf op de hoogte van yogalessen, (online) coaching en trainingen in Amsterdam of buitenland.